Thursday, April 2, 2015


King Joffrey of Pop
My God, we're such dorks.

Me and Sarah had been looking forward and counting down to the Bieber Roast for weeks, talking about it at least twice daily, and mapping out our game plan (snacks, positions on the couch etc.) meticulously so that we could fully enjoy this year's fest of personal attacks and comedy.

We are both pretty late to the whole Comedy Central Roast party, falling in love with the concept ever since stumbling upon the Charlie Sheen's 2011 installment via YouTube.

Quickly seeking and absorbing more Roast content, mainly because of the comedic chops of Roastmaster General Jeff Ross and Hitler Youth Anthony Jeselnik, we became die-hard fans.

We just love it so much!


With controversional Canadian pop star Justin Bieber as this year's roastee, this could be nothing but good. Especially with comedic rock star Kevin Hart and SNL revelation Pete Davidson also on board.

Without further ado, here are my 10 favorites from the Justin Bieber Roast:

"No wonder he's got moves. He was in the womb dodging a coat hanger." - Natasha Leggero

"I lost my Dad in 9/11 and I've always regretted growing up without a dad. Until I met your Dad, Justin." - Pete Davidson

"Snoop has inhaled more smoke than Pete Davidson's dad inside the World Trade Center." - Jeff Ross

"I walked into the chow hall, picked out the biggest bull dyke, and I stuck her. Shaq, I hope your mome doesn't still hold a grudge." - Martha Stewart

"Shaq was the original 2 Chainz because that's how he was brought into the country." - Jeff Ross

"Last year, you were ranked the fifth-most-hated person of all time. Kim Jong Un didn't rank that low. And he uses your music to torture people." - Shaquille O'Neal

"Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she's dating men now." - Jeff Ross

"Martha is so old. Her first period was the Renaissance." - Pete Davidson

"Justin's fans are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards." - Natasha Leggero

"What kind of bitch eggs his neighbor's house? You caused $20,000 in damages. Imagine how much damage you would have causes if you threw like a boy." - Shaquille O'Neal

Everyone came correct, with the above roasters putting in the best performances. Martha Stewart's bit, especially, is worth checking out in its entirety because she absolutely killed it.

And that is saying something, because even Will Ferrell turned up (as Ron Burgundy), delivering some great quips as a surprise guest.

All in all, the #Bieberroast was a great showing by everyone involved, including the Biebs himself. Sure, the Roast might have been a PR stunt by Bieber to boost his popularity, but he took all the jokes in stride, had some great zingers of his own, and his apology at the end certainly deserves praise.

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